Think back to your wedding day. No, think back to the day that you proposed to your then wife-to-be. Remember the feelings that you had? Now think of the wedding day. The hope in the future that you two were about to share together. A new home, maybe kids, a fresh new start.
At the point that you said 'I do' to each other, you made a promise to be together in sickness and in health, for better or worse. How did you find yourself at the point were your marriage was just all about the 'worse'? Trying to come back from a marriage that has seen better days and is strained is not as easy thing to do.
It might seem as though your marriage is over; or so close that there may seem that there is nothing you can do. Men who have been through this know, all too well, that this is a painful and difficult situation. One day you were part of a loving and happy couple, the next you face a future without the one you love. In truth, it feels like you have lost half of who you are.
There is always hope. No matter how impossible the situation may seem, with determination and effort, there is a way back from this; it is possible.
So, what's the first step?
Again, think back to the time that you proposed.
Who were you then? What were your hopes and dreams? How did you feel towards your, soon to be, wife. These feelings are looked inside of you.
If you still love her, those feelings are there, you just need to bring them to the surface. Show her that you are the same man that she married.
She fell in love and married that man. Try to find him and show her that you are still there for her.
Tread carefully. There has been a lot of water under the bridge since back then.
It won't be as easy as it was the first time. Take it slowly. Regain her trust. Show her that you want to be the man that she deserves, the man that she married; maybe an even better man than the one she married.
What not to do in this situation is smother her. Don't call her 20 times a day. Don't send her emails all of the time, and certainly don't make any face to face contact unless it's initiated by her, or a completely and mutually pre-arranged 'date'. This will take restraint on your part, but anything less will seriously jeopardise your plans to win her back.
She needs, above all else, to feel special. Don't forget that she is going through hell too, not just you. She will be conflicted. Whatever you think that you have lost, she has lost just as much.
Compliment her, make her feel as you did when you first dated. Tell her how great she looks, it really works.
Be honest with yourself about how you feel. Communicate, genuinely, with her and your sincerity will shine through. Regain her trust and rebuild what you had on your wedding day and much more.
Ask yourself what you have done to contribute to the problems in your marriage. Pinpoint your mistakes and learn from them.
The beauty of having freedom of choice is that we can decide how to behave. Assess you own behaviour throughout your marriage and ask yourself what needs to change.
What do you need to stop doing and what do you, really, need to start doing to enjoy a happy marriage?
You have decided to change. If you don't know what you were doing wrong to turn your marriage into what it has become, how can you change?
Don't beg; it's not what your wife wants to see. Just be strong and show her that you are committed to change and determined to make your marriage work. It will take time. Don't get annoyed if she isn't ready to take the next step as quickly as you are. Be patient. Be understanding. She will come to see that you are serious about getting her back.
She'll need time.
Try to look at the situation from her point of view. Why is she feeling the way she is feeling. What have you done, or not done, to make her feel that she needed to leave. Once you have, honestly, answered these questions, you can, not only, try to get her back, but avoid this happening again.
Now, no-one is saying that this will be easy. It will take patience and determination to get her back. Be a grown up. Be honest, with her and with yourself. Try and be a better man, for her and for yourself. Be her friend, lover and companion.
On your wedding day you made a commitment to her, now is the time to prove to her that you can fulfil that commitment. Once you have her back and you are being the husband that she deserves, she should never feel the need to leave again. It's a totally within your control.
